[HUMOR (I hope)] BATF's Division of Internet Enforcement

Mark Q. Maxham (max@atg.apple.com)
Wed, 22 Feb 1995 10:18:31 -0800

February 2, 1996

Department of the Treasury
Bureau of Alchol, Tobacco, and Firearms
Division of Internet Enforcement
Washington, D.C.

Dear Ms. Kadel:

The Division of Internet Enforcement was created by the 104th Congress to
monitor the Internet for obscene and lewd photographs, language, and
material on the worldwide network known as the internet.

Your recent post on the Usenet newsgroup ___ALT.FAN.KARL-MALDEN.NOSE___,
dated __02/02/96__, and with a message reference of
__<4etoae$18n@decaxp.harvard.edu>__, is in violation of the high moral
standards imposed by Congress. Your post was found in violation because

Please understand that your use of __NAUGHTY LANGUAGE (CODE III.34.a)__
is inappropriate because young, impressionable children might be exposed
to harmful language on this __NEWSGROUP__. Because of the high
likelihood that such children read __ALT.FAN.KARL-MALDEN.NOSE__, the
psychological harm done to them by seeing __NAUGHTY LANGUAGE (CODE
III.34.a)__ could be lasting and traumatic.

Under the codes of appropriate Internet conduct established by Congress,
you will be fined __$5,000__. Please remit this payment with your 1995 tax
return (Schedule IINa: Internet Appropriate Use Penalties). In addition,
__POSTMASTER@FAS.HARVARD.EDU__ has been notified of your conduct, and we
have requested that your __UNIX SHELL/SLIP/PPP ACCOUNT (CODE I.bb)__
be revoked.

We strongly encourage you to get an account with a responsible Internet
Access Provider (IAP), such as America Online. IAPs monitor the content
they pass on to the subscriber carefully, keeping dangerous language
(such as bre*st, or information about safe s*x) off of their systems. We
hope that the conduct of other users of systems such as AOL will help
reform your behavior on the Internet, as well as help you keep your own
mind clear of such filthy language.

If you fail to pay the assessed __$5,000__ penalty for your use of
will send BATF agents to your __RESIDENCE__ to shoot you and your pets or
set your __RESIDENCE__ on fire, then blame the incident on your
religious/cult activities involving __RADISHES__.

Thank you for your cheerful cooperation. We welcome any comments about
our new department, as we are committed to the Constitutional principles
of free and open expression.


James D. Exon
Division of Internet Enforcement (DIE)
Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms
Department of the Treasury