Classified Humour

Bart Bartlett (
Wed, 04 Sep 1996 09:42:07 -0700

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>Date: Wed, 04 Sep 1996 10:30:01 -0700
>Subject: More Laughs
>Actual excerpts from classified ad sections of city newspapers:
>Illiterate? Write today for free help.
>Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
>never go
>anywhere again.
>Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and
>Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
>Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
>Stock up and save. Limit: one.
>Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
>3-year old teacher needed for pre-school.
>Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient
>Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross
>Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
>For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
>Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to
>take home,
>We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
>For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.
>Great Dames for sale.
>Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
>Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap
>does the
>job in 24 hours.
>Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
>burns toast.
>For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
>Man, honest. Will take anything.
>Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
>Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
>Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
>Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
>Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
>Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume
>housekeeping duties.
>Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.
>And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety,
>We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for
Bart Bartlett, Product Manager Enterprise Connectivity
Informix Software Inc., 4100 Bohannon Drive, Menlo Park, CA 94025
(415) 926 - 6676, Fax: 926 - 1157,,
gateway web page:
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."