[HUMOR] Top 15 Ways O.J. Can Raise $33.5 Million

Gordon Garb (ggarb@apple.com)
22 Feb 97 21:03:13 -0800

[Warning: potentially more offensive than expected. Read at your own risk]

The Top 15 Ways O.J. Can Raise $33.5 Million

15> Host a Celebrity Stab-A-Thon.

14> Negotiate with the National Enquirer to admit to the Olympic
bombing and the assasination of JFK.

13> Hit Kato up for back rent.

12> Tour guide for Hell, Michigan.

11> "I Fought the Law: An Evening in Vegas with O.J. Simpson and
Richard Jewell."

10> Host a TV program about mysterious disappearances of spouses,
called the "EX-FILES."

9> Contact the Democratic National Committee fund raisers.

8> Get enormous breast implants; marry an old blind billionaire.

7> Develop super-duper coffee mug - sell a dozen to the Pentagon
for $2,791,666.67 each.

6> Arrangement with Satan to receive a penny every time someone
thinks he should burn in Hell.

5> "Borrow back" from criminal trial jury.

4> Write a "Homicide for Dummies" book.

3> Open a "Kick Me for $5" booth. Wait.

2> "I'll take 'Golf Courses of Southern California' for 33.5
Million, Alex."

and the Number 1 Way O.J. Can Raise $33.5 Million...

1> Invest $67 million in Apple Computer.