The Top 15 Surprises at the Windows '95 Birthday Party
15 Those crazy Intel folks send a birthday card wishing Win95
a "Happy .9993827 Birthday."
14 Spirited game of Kick the Mac.
13 Announcement that cake and drinks can be purchased
separately as "add-ons."
12 Despite massive e-mail campaign, Claudia Schiffer and
Pamela Anderson Lee are both no-shows.
11 Unintentionally set world record for number of
multi-millionaires doing the macarena.
10 All gussied up in a pink evening gown, Bill Gates sings
a breathy "Happy Birthday, Mr. Windows 95."
9 Cake turns out to be merely an apple with frosting on it.
8 Bill Gates announces that he actually owns only 97% of the
world, not the erroneously-reported 99.97%.
7 Bill may be worth more than God, but he *still* won't
invest in a new pair of Dockers.
6 The tech support person is in attendance.
5 A drunken Lucifer crashes the party, waving a contract and
babbling about Bill Gates' soul.
4 That wacky Ted Danson shows up in blackface again.
3 After a little Star-Trek, a little D&D, and a few too many .GIF's
of Sandra Bullock, Microsoft programmers cut loose by takin' off
the ol' Birkenstocks and doing a little beard-trimmin'.
2 Not one pair of glasses held together by a band aid.
and the Number 1 Surprise at the Windows '95 Birthday Party...
1 That special moment when Bill Gates closes his eyes, makes a
wish and blows out AOL.