Surprises at the Windows '95 Birthday Party

Mark Q. Maxham (
Mon, 22 Jul 96 10:36:09 CDT

Sorry for geek humor so early in the week, but ...

The Top 15 Surprises at the Windows '95 Birthday Party

15 Those crazy Intel folks send a birthday card wishing Win95
a "Happy .9993827 Birthday."

14 Spirited game of Kick the Mac.

13 Announcement that cake and drinks can be purchased
separately as "add-ons."

12 Despite massive e-mail campaign, Claudia Schiffer and
Pamela Anderson Lee are both no-shows.

11 Unintentionally set world record for number of
multi-millionaires doing the macarena.

10 All gussied up in a pink evening gown, Bill Gates sings
a breathy "Happy Birthday, Mr. Windows 95."

9 Cake turns out to be merely an apple with frosting on it.

8 Bill Gates announces that he actually owns only 97% of the
world, not the erroneously-reported 99.97%.

7 Bill may be worth more than God, but he *still* won't
invest in a new pair of Dockers.

6 The tech support person is in attendance.

5 A drunken Lucifer crashes the party, waving a contract and
babbling about Bill Gates' soul.

4 That wacky Ted Danson shows up in blackface again.

3 After a little Star-Trek, a little D&D, and a few too many .GIF's
of Sandra Bullock, Microsoft programmers cut loose by takin' off
the ol' Birkenstocks and doing a little beard-trimmin'.

2 Not one pair of glasses held together by a band aid.

and the Number 1 Surprise at the Windows '95 Birthday Party...

1 That special moment when Bill Gates closes his eyes, makes a
wish and blows out AOL.