[HUMOR] The FBI Pizza call

Mark Q. Maxham (max@atg.apple.com)
Wed, 22 Feb 1995 10:18:31 -0800

From a talk by R. James Woolsey, Director of Central Intelligence,
given at a conference on global organized crime.

"Just in case you think the FBI is not on the job, I have received a
true intercept (and this is not made up...it is not Saturday Night
Live) that the FBI made of itself while conducting an investigation in
San Diego. It was sent to me by a friend of mine who used to be with
counterintelligence in Washington. It is called "The FBI Pizza Call."
FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that
was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of
reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up
quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a
nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The
following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI
because they were taping the hospital."

Agent: "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda."
Pizza Man: "And where would you like them delivered?"
Agent: "We're over at the psychiatric hospital."
Pizza Man: "To the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's right. I'm an FBI agent."
Pizza Man: "You're an FBI agent?"
Agent: "That's correct. Just about everybody here is."
Pizza Man: "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the
front doors.We have them locked. You will have to go
around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas."
Pizza Man: "And you say you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. How soon can you have them here?"
Pizza Man: "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?"
Agent: "That's right. We've been here all day, and we're starving."
Pizza Man: "How are you going to pay for all of this?"
Agent: "I have my checkbook right here."
Pizza Man: "And you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you
remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service
entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked."
Pizza Man: "I don't think so."