[HUMOR] Seven Deadly Gilligans

Gordon Garb (ggarb@apple.com)
18 Feb 97 19:29:43 -0800

The Seven Deadly Sins of Gilligan's Island theory is quite simple. Each of
the seven characters on the island represents each of the seven deadly
sins. Now, this theory seems to fit upon initial inspection, there are
technical difficulties when you get down to THE MAN himself, Gilligan.

Run with me on this one...

Most obvious is the Professor, who fits PRIDE to a T. Any man who can
make a ham radio out of some wire and two coconuts has to be pretty
cocky. (His character was later revised and given a series of his own,
called MacGyver".)

For the sin of ENVY we need look no further than Maryann, who may
have worn those skimpy little tops, but could never achieve Ginger's
glamour. (As an interesting and completely irrelevant side note, a
nationwide survey of college students a few years ago revealed that
the Professor and Maryann were voted the most likely couple to have
'done it' on the island.)

And who could doubt for a moment that Ginger is LUST incarnate? Sure,
the kids were supposed to think she was ACTING, but we all know what
being deprived episode after episode was doing to her. You know and I
know that glazed look wasn't boredom, my friends.

What kind of person takes a trunk full of money on a three-hour cruise?
Mr. Howell gets my vote for GREED.

We are now left with three characters and three Deadly Sins. We have
Gilligan, the Skipper and Mrs. Howell to whom we must match SLOTH,
GLUTTONY, and ANGER. You can already see, there is a Gilligan
problem here about to emerge.

Certainly we can further eliminate Mrs. Howell from this equation by
connecting her with SLOTH. She did jack shit during her many years on
the island and everybody knows it.

This leaves ANGER and GLUTTONY, either of which the Skipper had
no shortage. He was, after all, a big guy with the tendency to hit
Gilligan with his hat at least once an episode. After much consideration,
I have decided that he can easily do double-duty, covering the two
remaining Deadly Sins.

So here we have the Seven Deadly Sins trapped in an endlessly
recurring Hell, hope always followed immediately by denial and despair,
forced to live with each other in our TVs until the last re-run ends. And
who is their captor? What keeps them trapped there, in this state of
constant Hell?


Gilligan must be SATAN. Think about it.

one final thought....... Gilligan always wore red.